Anger managment - LOL

Posted: Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:37 pm

I lmao when I read this joke sent to me by a colleague ..... Very Happy

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you Don't know!

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*** ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an a$$hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole !" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic a$$hole calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"
and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW a$$hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
He said, "Yes, it is."
I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.
It's a yellow ranch house, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen."
I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
He said, "I'm home every evening after five."
I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
He said, "Yes?"
I said, "Don, you're an a$$hole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.
I called A$$hole #1.
He said, "Hello."
I said, "You're an a$$hole!"
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He screamed, "Stop calling me!"
I said, "Make me."
He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
I said, "A$$hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch house, I have a black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole," and hung up.

Then I called A$$hole No. 2.
He said, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, a$$hole ."
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
I said, "You'll what?"
He exclaimed, "I'll kick your a$$,"
I answered, "Well , a$$hole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.
Anger management works. Very Happy

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 8:23 am

AMAZING!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

I HAVE VERY GOOD SELF CONTROL
& THICK SKIN! TO BE A POLICE & ESPECIALLY A CORRECTION OFFICER YOU NEED THICK SKIN!

Besides the tragic truth is today If you raise your tone at some rude store clerk ! They will call the cops and you will be doing "Anger Management"

BUT SOMETIMES AS I FELT THE OTHER DAY SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GET MAD!

PLEASE READ & SEND TO A FRIEND!

I will be making some other announcements contingent on help from people I asked but even those of you I haven't PLEASE CONTACT ME!

I AM GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP I HOPE! TO REDO MY "LAWMANCONFIDENTIAL" SITE INTO WHAT I ALWAYS INTENDED AND PEOPLE HAVE WANTED & NEEDED! Exclamation

I HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT / BEEN GIVEN LICENSE BY A MAJOR PROFESSIONAL PROPITIATORY DATABASE TO ENABLE DIRECT ACCESS
FOR PEOPLE TO LOOK UP AT LEAST 95% OF EVERY & ANY PERSON CONVICTED OF ANY CRIME,DMV OR CIVIL SUIT, THE PUBLIC RECORDS (VOTER, PROFESSIONAL/OCCUPATIONAL LICENSES, MARRIAGE & DIVORCE ETC. VARY BY STATE) ALL 50 STATES! ALL BUSINESS LICENSES,LLC'S CORPORATIONS,OFFICERS FOR THE WHOLE COUNTRY!
EVERY s-e-x OFFENDER, LAW ENFORCEMENT MOST WANTED LISTS.
SOCIAL SECURITY DEATH INDEX, ANY HOLDER/OWNER OF A FED. FIREARM LIC. AND DIRECT ACCESS TO RUN DMV, LIC,PLATES FOR APPROX 20 STATES! AND SO MUCH MORE! THE MOST & FIRST ACTUAL
"REAL" LOOK UP DATABASE ACCESS EVER AVAILABLE TO GENERAL PUBLIC!
Wink

BUT AS I WAS ARRANGING THIS, & SENDING OUT BILLS FOR MY WORK!
THERE IS A COMPANY IN CANADA THAT MARKETS ALL THESE SCAM HALF ARSED FAKE SHYSTER SITES! AND COMPANY'S MAKING BIG BUCKS OFF THE BACKS OF MANY OF YOU WHO NEED REAL HELP! AND WHAT LOW LIFE'S THEY ARE WHEN THEY COULD BE MARKETING A REAL PRODUCT OR RESOURCE ESPECIALLY WITH THE WEB SAVVY MARKETING THEY CAN RAKE UP USING SOME OF THE APPS FROM MY DATA BASES! AND HELP PEOPLE!

THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT ALL THE --[Censored]-- GOING ON WITH THE STATES AND THOUGHT ABOUT CORPORATE CROOKS AND FINALLY THAT SICK
Evil or Very Mad

ANYONE WITH INFO ON THIS PLEASE SEND IT TO ME Twisted Evil

THAT SICK FAT TWISTED BULLY OF a B I T C H WOMAN Twisted Evil

WHO DROVE THAT 16 Y/O GIRL TO SUICIDE AFTER MAKING A FAKE TWISTED "FACE BOOK MY SPACE PAGE" Evil or Very Mad

IT'S WHY I AM DEDICATING A SECTION TO THE LAWMAN CONFIDENTIAL SITE TO EXPOSE THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE EXPOSED,OR NEED A GOOD A S S KICKING, I WANT TO FIND & SEEK OUT THE WORST
HATE IS A STRONG WORD BUT THERE IS NO OTHERS I HATE WORSE THAN THE 7 PATHETIC P's: POSERS, PRETENTIOUS, PERVERTS, PETTY, PUNKS, PREDATORS, P U S S Y 'S,

PEOPLE HAVE GOT TO STAND UP! OR SHUT UP!

I AM GOING TO ASK COMPANIES TO SPONSOR A SKID AND PAY REWARDS FOR PEOPLE WHO TURN IN s-e-x OFFENDERS WITH BOGUS ADDRESSES!

IF I GET ENOUGH SUPPORT WE CAN DO EARTH CAMS ON DANGEROUS OR POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS PEOPLE,GROUPS!

ISSUE CHALLENGES TO EXTREMEST GROUPS!

BUT THE MAIN THING WILL BE BELITTLING AND PROFILING RUDE ,CRUDE
FACTS I HOPE TO HAVE A SECTION WHERE PEOPLE CAN SWEAR OUT AFFIDAVITS AGAINST A SCUMBAG!

AND A PROOF OR POSER SECTION!

UNDER OATH!

PEOPLE YOU SHOULD SPIT ON LIST???

IT'S PRETTY INTENSE AND IN PRODUCTION HOPE TO HAVE IT UP SOON
AS ALWAYS COULD USE HELP STAND UP!

WAIT TILL YOU READ MY STORY!

Please take a stand & give me your input!

justfacts@lawmanconfidential.com

Wink

Posted: Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:08 pm

Thanks SOOO much for the joke! I was laughing so hard that I couldn't read the ending for a minute.